Chapter 1: The Curious Case of the Frigidaire

In a peculiar turn of events, Garnet Blithe, a resourceful sophomore at Concierge Service College in Aspen, Colorado, was cleaning out his grandparents' refrigerator for some extra cash when he stumbled upon something truly bizarre.

“Hidden behind a pint of low-fat cottage cheese from the early Obama era, I found two bottles of Jax beer,” Blithe remarked. “This brand was famously consumed by Steve Hubbell in A Streetcar Named Desire. The last case was sold in 1974, yet these relics were stamped with an expiration date from October 1948, right before Tom Dewey’s infamous blunder.”

Among his finds was also a bottle of Inglehoffer Cream Style Horseradish, hosting a growth resembling a human embryo, alongside a mycelium network sprouting in the vegetable drawer. This led Blithe to believe that his grandparents' fridge was a true archaeological treasure. He promptly reached out to esteemed researchers at Oxford University for further examination.

The Oxford team initiated their investigation with satellite imaging and aerial surveys using a laser altimeter, mapping the Blithes' 1946 AH-1 Frigidaire. They performed a meticulous field survey, applying a grid system to differentiate between ancient glacier remnants from the freezer and prehistoric resins in the butter tray.

With trowels and hoes in hand, the archaeologists began unearthing some astonishing artifacts — including tureens of Nonna’s traditional cabbage borscht, a large jug of DelMonte prune juice, and two tubs of Cornhusker Berkshire Pork Fat Lard.

The findings were nothing short of remarkable: - A pair of turnips carbon-dated to the era of the Bering Land Bridge, which once connected Siberia’s Chukchi Peninsula to what is now Tin City, Alaska.

Dr. Stuart Plantagenet-Tudor, the lead archaeologist, stated, “We tested the DNA of these root vegetables. To answer your question, yes, they contain the same DNA series we previously identified in Genghis Khan. This suggests that one in every 200 men today may trace their lineage back to these ancient tubers.”

Other discoveries included: - A party keg of Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce, apparently regurgitated in its entirety by a Diplodocus. - Two shiitake mushrooms fossilized from the Carboniferous Era, which a post-doc humorously likened to brain-eating zombies from The Last of Us. - A colony of Earth’s earliest microbiomes found preserved in a tin of Kirkland Signature rolled filet anchovies, which led to a dramatic incident requiring a bomb squad intervention. The graduate student who opened it now sports a prosthetic limb inscribed with, “I interned at the Frigidaire site and all I got was this lousy forearm.”

The most surprising find, however, was the fossilized remains of an impressively large chimichanga. Using advanced accelerator mass spectrometry, the team dated this deep-fried Tex-Mex delicacy at approximately 14.314±0.020 billion years old — a figure notably older than previous estimates of the universe’s age.

In summary, if Oxford's claims hold water, the age of the Big Bang might be reclassified closer to the Baby Boomer multiverse demographic, rather than the Gen-X universes that scientists had previously associated with it. Rival cosmologists quickly pointed out that the earlier estimates relied on a Fitbit for calculations, leaving little hope for a Nobel Prize.

Garnet Blithe, however, remains neutral in this scientific feud. He plans to use the profits from his new YouTube channel, which showcases these extraordinary archaeological finds, to purchase his grandparents a state-of-the-art $50,000 Dolce & Gabbana Hero of Two Worlds refrigerator, along with a lifetime contract with Merry Maids to clear out the fermenting biota and other former food items — especially the borscht.

Thanks to Amy Sea for her sharp comedic insight!

Chapter 2: Cosmic Revelations

In the first video, "Has JWST shown the Universe is TWICE as old as we think?," the discussion revolves around groundbreaking findings that may challenge our understanding of the universe's age.

The second video titled, "Has JWST found evidence for the FIRST STARS to ever form in the Universe?" explores the potential implications of newly discovered evidence regarding the formation of the first stars.