Finding Strength Through Boxing: A Journey with Bipolar Disorder
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The Vital Role of Passion in Life
When I first entered a boxing gym at the age of 15, I felt an undeniable energy in the atmosphere. It was a space filled with aspirations, battles to confront, and the opportunity to overcome personal challenges. I could see the intensity in the eyes of the boxers; it sparked something within me. From that very first day, I was captivated.
At that time, I was engulfed in depression, experiencing daily panic attacks. I found myself in a dark place, contemplating self-harm and feeling hopeless. However, stepping into that gym offered me a sense of relief I hadn’t felt in years. It was as if I finally saw a glimmer of hope.
Rediscovering My Inner Fire
I returned to the gym day after day, unearthing a part of myself that had been lost for years. I had been an athlete from age 7 to 12, but I abandoned it when I believed it wasn’t considered "cool." Boxing reignited my passion for exercise, pushing me to new limits and beyond. Unlike many, I committed to arriving early, giving my all during training, and staying late to cool down.
After eight months, I participated in my first match. Although I lost to a more seasoned opponent, it fueled my determination to train harder. My love for boxing grew immensely; it became more than just a pastime—it became my life. I immersed myself in everything related to boxing—reading, watching films, and discussing it endlessly.
Boxing truly saved my life. Without it, I might not be here today. Eventually, I achieved significant success, winning the Finnish championship multiple times and representing my country in international competitions.
Facing Rock Bottom
At 22, my world changed dramatically. I was overtrained for the third time yet ignored the signals my body was sending me. This led to inflammation, leaving me exhausted and unmotivated. For the first time, I yearned for a "normal" life. Shortly after, a breakup plunged me into a deep depression, stripping away my passion for the things I once loved.
I confided in my coach about needing a long break, but deep down, I sensed it might lead to quitting altogether. I began to explore a party lifestyle, something I had missed during my late teens due to my dedication to boxing. I also started my education at a vocational school, a decision I hadn’t made when I was younger.
Unbeknownst to me, my bipolar disorder was about to make its presence known in a significant way. The stress of my new lifestyle, combined with the absence of boxing—a natural stabilizer for my mood—created a perfect storm. Understanding when bipolar disorder truly manifests is challenging; it's often unclear whether it's always been lurking or triggered by external factors.
From ages 12 to 15, I battled mental health issues diagnosed as panic disorder and depression. Extreme exercise had been my anchor, but after 22, stability became elusive.
The Missing Element
Determined to reclaim my place in boxing, I dreamt of returning to the elite level. However, I struggled with motivation. I tried various martial arts, including Muay Thai, MMA, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. This period marked the beginning of numerous hospitalizations, leading to my diagnosis of Bipolar type 1 and Borderline personality disorder.
Transitioning from a dedicated athlete to someone relying on multiple medications was a jarring experience. After four years of navigating these challenges, I began rediscovering myself. I realized that beneath my diagnoses, I was still the same person.
Training for enjoyment felt foreign, as I always aspired to compete. I learned to be kinder to myself during difficult times, recognizing that maintaining an active lifestyle is crucial for my mental well-being. Health takes precedence over accolades.
Life-Changing Insights
Boxing illuminated my identity and potential. It helped me rise from the depths of despair and continues to brighten my days. For anyone reading, your passion, whatever it may be, can serve as a catalyst for your own revival.
The essential ingredient is having a purpose, setting daily goals, and igniting that inner fire. As I write this, I'm back in the ring, training with aspirations of turning professional, while also embracing new martial arts disciplines.
Whenever I feel lost, I find solace in boxing. Competing allows me to confront my inner demons and regain control. Pursuing clear goals is far more manageable than battling unseen struggles.
I encourage you to seek your passion; remember, you are not alone.
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