A Common Approach to Life

Life is full of unpredictability and unexpected hurdles, which can often impact our happiness. "It is what it is" serves as a shorthand for acknowledging reality. It reflects a decision to accept the present situation without lingering on what could have been.

This attitude is practical—it's a way to say, "I see the reality, and I'm choosing to accept it." This mindset can be especially useful when we're dealing with setbacks or circumstances that we cannot alter.

When I was repeatedly rejected from jobs, I told myself that the job market was tough. As an international graduate, I believed it was even harder for me. Many companies were unwilling to interview me once they learned I required visa sponsorship. My strategy became to apply broadly, hoping that sheer numbers would improve my chances.

It wasn’t about my skills but rather the challenges posed by the system. I realized I shouldn't be overly harsh on myself. This stoic perspective can help maintain mental health, as it allows us to let go of stress over things we can't change.

However, there’s a downside to this acceptance.

The Hidden Danger of Complacency

My job applications began to reflect my growing indifference. I would mindlessly scroll through LinkedIn and submit the same generic resume and cover letter for every job that caught my eye. It became normal to wait weeks for a rejection. I clung to the hope that eventually, someone would reach out, and it would all fall into place.

But this mindset led to stagnation. While acknowledging reality is essential, it’s crucial to discern when passive acceptance becomes an excuse for inaction. Overusing this phrase can inadvertently stifle personal and collective growth.

In many cases, it would be more beneficial to actively seek solutions rather than resigning ourselves to the way things are. I had essentially abandoned efforts to enhance my applications. Instead of tailoring my resume for each position or reaching out to hiring managers, I let "it is what it is" become a stagnant excuse.

As time passed, I received no invitations for interviews. The same complacent attitude can also seep into personal relationships.

Consider someone in a relationship where communication is faltering. They might throw their hands up and say, "This is just how relationships are; it is what it is." Such acceptance can prevent them from seeking help, initiating difficult conversations, or taking steps to mend the relationship, ultimately leading to a painful breakup.

Believing that things are unchangeable makes us complacent and is often a sign of laziness.

Finding a Balanced Perspective

So, when does "it is what it is" shift from a genuine acceptance of reality to a defeatist excuse? The answer lies in distinguishing between situations that genuinely cannot be altered and those that can be improved through effort.

It's about asking yourself, "Can I change this, or am I truly powerless in this circumstance?"

Recognizing "it is what it is" doesn’t mean you should abandon your desire for improvement. Instead, a balanced approach involves leveraging acceptance as a foundation for action, rather than a reason to remain inactive.