Chapter 1: The Necessities for Flourishing

In a recent session with a therapy client, we delved into his plans to relocate from New York City to Portugal. Having made a similar move myself—transitioning from NYC to Montreal just four months ago—I can genuinely say that while such changes can be challenging, they often lead to a remarkable enhancement in one’s quality of life. The decline of New York City had made it increasingly difficult for me to sustain even a basic level of well-being. Hence, I fully support his ambition to improve his life through this move.

However, due to certain circumstances, he will first need to establish himself in another U.S. state before making the final leap to Europe. This strategy is essential to protect his income from New York's high state taxes. Although this plan is sensible, I had reservations about the state he was considering relocating to.

Moving to a very affordable yet desolate state could represent a significant step backward. While we often must endure hardship, choosing environments that exacerbate our struggles can be a form of self-sabotage. In essence, shifting from one unfavorable situation to another serves no constructive purpose.

Instead of fostering positive change, enduring continuous hardships can perpetuate a mindset of survival and deprivation. Luckily, during our conversation, he began to see that placing himself in a context lacking necessary stimulation and comfort would only deepen the inner turmoil he is striving to overcome. If he opts to endure stifling conditions and external pressures, the cycle of resignation and dissociation will likely persist.

Ultimately, relying on coping strategies that initially prompted his desire to relocate is counterproductive. Therefore, finding a U.S. location that meets his needs for comfort and fulfillment—rather than merely serving as a temporary stop—is crucial for his progress.

To truly enhance one’s life, establishing foundational conditions that support healing and growth should be a priority.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow, renowned for his hierarchy of needs, suggested that all our decisions hinge on the satisfaction of five essential requirements: physiological needs, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. These elements are vital for a healthy life.

While Maslow's framework may imply a straightforward progression, the fulfillment of needs is often a complex journey. For instance, my childhood experiences of poverty led me to immerse myself in creative endeavors. Lacking basic survival resources didn't deter me from seeking solace in the arts. However, these deficiencies did hinder my growth in other significant ways.

Through my recovery journey and as a trauma therapist, it's clear that a standard of living—including stable employment, safe housing, nutrition, sobriety, protection, financial stability, and social support—is essential for pursuing higher aspirations such as intellectual growth, healthy pride, creative expression, self-fulfillment, and meaningful relationships.

Yet, establishing these foundational elements while aiming for loftier goals is no easy task.

Adaptation, while often seen as a blessing, can also be a curse. We can become numb to severe challenges and adjust to oppressive circumstances. This habituation to suffering can diminish our sense of wonder and obscure our innate talents. Normalizing daily struggles can stifle aspirations for greater achievements.

Clearly, adaptation is not the ultimate solution for those seeking more than mere existence.

While significant changes—or even minor adjustments—could pave the way for a brighter future, we currently face a global decline in living standards. The UN's Human Development Index reveals that nine out of ten countries are lagging in life expectancy, education, and living conditions. As a result, leaving an unsatisfying job, taking that long-desired trip, or even starting a family may feel out of reach for many.

Additionally, with rising inflation, increasing homelessness, and an opioid crisis, the demand for mental health services is rising. Mental Health America reports that over half of adults with mental health issues do not receive the necessary treatment (27 million U.S. adults).

In this bleak global landscape, the notion of thriving can seem like a distant dream. Nevertheless, we are complex beings capable of resilience. Adversity may break us, but it can also drive us to exercise agency and resilience like never before.

Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl once said, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

Embracing Frankl’s wisdom, we can view life’s challenges as catalysts that propel us toward fulfillment. How we respond to our circumstances—whether they are favorable or intolerable—shapes our journey. Our pursuit of freedom and growth largely depends on how we navigate our free will, determining our path to either liberation or defeat.

Yet, the concept of free will is nuanced; we have the freedom to choose, but within defined limits. Conditions can either facilitate or impede our progress. Within these constraints, we must discern where our free will can be effective and where it may be in vain.

In the grand scheme of life, it's vital to recognize that all growth demands sacrifice.

We must confront the reality of our internal and external limitations to understand what we need to relinquish in order to gain something greater. For me, this entails letting go of any illusions about limitless choices, control, or unfettered happiness.

Ultimately, life does not possess inherent meaning. Each of us is tasked with creating significance, seeking deeper understanding beyond mere survival. We can either succumb to despair or reach for beauty, pursue meaning, and strive to realize our potential against all odds. I remain hopeful that, despite the overwhelming challenges we face, we will choose the latter.

Chapter 2: Embracing Change and Growth