Investing in Friendships: The Key to Lasting Connections
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Understanding the Essence of Friendship
While we often recognize friendship as a noun, I prefer to view it as a verb. This perspective extends to all relationships. I firmly believe that the joy and affection we receive from our friends are directly linked to what we offer in return. Research supports the notion that friendships enhance our happiness.
When we adopt a passive approach to our friendships, they tend to fade. Many of us idealize the concept of lifelong friends while neglecting the effort required to sustain those connections. Depending on our social circles, we may find that our chosen families hold stronger ties than our biological relatives.
Over the past few years, I have experienced a significant transformation in my circle of friends. I am grateful to have a diverse array of friendships, but this is not merely a stroke of luck; it’s a reflection of the effort I’ve invested. I believe that if we redirected some of our screen time towards nurturing our friendships, we would cultivate deeper connections.
Friendship is not about chance; it’s an investment. Here’s how I choose to nurture my relationships.
The Importance of Romantic Gestures in Friendships
You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to express affection. Do you consider yourself a thoughtful friend? Are you attentive and do you perform small acts of kindness to show your friends they are appreciated?
“Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody.” — Brad Montague
Being a caring friend is vital. Since I’ve embraced this role, my bonds with my closest friends have deepened, making them feel more secure and gratifying. Here are some simple ways to be a more affectionate friend:
- Remember significant dates, such as your friend’s interviews, exams, or the anniversary of a loved one’s passing.
- If something reminds you of them, reach out and share it.
- Cook a meal or bake a treat for them just because.
- Offer compliments and let them know what you admire about them.
- Celebrate their achievements and support them during tough times.
How do you express affection in your friendships?
Quality Time: The Heart of Lasting Friendships
We often understand the significance of quality time in romantic relationships, yet we sometimes overlook its importance in friendships.
In my article, "Is Loneliness One of the Greatest Killers of Our Time?" I explored the time investment required to forge connections. It typically takes around 30 hours of interaction for a casual friendship to develop, 50 hours for a true friendship, 140 hours for a good friend, and 300 hours for a best friend.
What about maintaining these friendships? Once we reach a certain level of closeness, we can’t simply coast along and expect the relationship to thrive without effort. If conversations dwindle to reminiscing about the past instead of creating new memories, it’s time to take action. Otherwise, the friendship may be at risk.
Reflect on the various friendships in your life. Are there common threads among those that have faded versus those that remain strong? I suspect that time plays a crucial role in this dynamic.
When we prioritize our time for others, we communicate their importance in our lives. I understand that geographical or situational factors may prevent you from having the same quality time you once enjoyed with friends. Nevertheless, making an effort through calls, texts, or video chats can keep those connections alive.
Life is busy for everyone. Avoid the trap of saying, “I’ve been too busy,” as it implies that maintaining friendships isn’t a priority for you. The friendships that have slipped away are often those where the effort felt one-sided.
The Declining Circle of Friends
It’s concerning to note that studies comparing data from 1990 to 2021 indicate a decrease in the number of close friends we have. As we grow older, we may lose touch for various reasons, and making new friends can prove challenging. Ironically, one of the most common regrets among those nearing the end of life is: “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
We inadvertently allow our friendships to diminish by not investing time in them, even though the quality of our friendships is a predictor of our happiness.
Nurturing Friendships for a Fulfilling Life
Therefore, I urge you to invest in your friendships for the sake of your mental health and overall happiness. Don’t merely stay in touch; create new memories together. Be actively engaged in each other’s lives—share laughter, support one another, explore new hobbies, and embrace vulnerability.
How do you ensure your friendships thrive? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
You might also enjoy this article on friendship:
Thanks to Elizabeth Day, I’ve Just Found Out I’m a Friendaholic
What role do you play in friendships?
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