Addressing Trauma

My journey led me to the work of influential experts like Dr. Judith Herman, who defines trauma as the disruption of three fundamental human needs: safety, meaning, and connection. While I managed to provide for my child—ensuring we had food, shelter, and occasional vacations—I overlooked the deeper sense of safety that had been compromised due to the abuse from my son’s father.

Even though I wasn't anxious about basic survival, my nervous system remained on high alert, conditioned to expect hostility and instability. Trauma can arise from various experiences, including abusive relationships, sudden loss, or major life transitions.

For anyone grappling with trauma, I highly recommend exploring Dr. Judith Herman's work and striving to restore safety, meaning, and connection in your life.

Meditation and hypnotherapy also played a transformative role in my journey. Through meditation, I discovered how to relax and tap into a greater consciousness beyond myself. This understanding—that there exists a guiding force larger than us—is vital for single moms. I often remind the women in my community that "great women don't lead easy lives." Life doesn't merely grant us what we desire; it offers what we need for growth and learning. I prefer to view my experiences of single motherhood and the challenges of an abusive relationship as preparation for a meaningful life.

Ensuring Child Safety

The duty of safeguarding our children is a profound source of anxiety for many single mothers. It is essential to recognize that we are the primary source of safety for our children. This involves creating an environment devoid of violence and emotional abuse. Moreover, when a child has already experienced abandonment by one parent, it becomes crucial to provide a secure home where they can express their feelings without fear of judgment or blame.

Managing Financial Pressures

As a financial analyst specializing in behavioral finance and recovery from financial abuse, I could elaborate on this topic for hours. I consciously approach financial discussions within my community by encouraging moms to shift their perspective on money. Rather than focusing on scarcity, I urge them to consider whether they embody the qualities of women who create value, thus deserving higher salaries.

The goal isn't merely to earn money but to become individuals who attract wealth. Many of us carry trauma linked to financial instability. It’s vital to heal our relationship with money and view it as a medium for creation, recognizing our worthiness to earn it.

Language is powerful; wealthy individuals don't "save" or "budget" but instead "invest" and formulate "spending plans." They view opportunities to generate value rather than stressing about working extra hours just to make ends meet.

Ultimately, investing in ourselves is paramount. For moms earning below six figures, I highly recommend pursuing additional training or education to enhance earning potential. Many employers will fund training opportunities. When requesting a raise, consider framing it positively: "I would love to enhance my skills to increase my value to the organization. Would you support me in pursuing this training?" After completing the training, approach your employer about taking on more responsibilities with your newly acquired skills.

Coping with Overwork

Overwork had a significant impact on my well-being, leading to brain fog and a general sense of apathy toward life and work. This experience prompted me to reassess my career direction. The feelings of being overworked often signal a loss of meaning in what we do.

I encourage you to reflect on what energizes you and what drains your spirit. The book Designing Your Life inspired me to consider what my feelings of being overworked were trying to communicate.

Living as a single mom demands resilience and creativity. When we're overwhelmed and traumatized, it can be challenging to find clarity. By understanding our nervous systems and addressing common stressors such as trauma, child safety, financial struggles, and overwork, we can equip ourselves with the tools necessary for a happier life.

Prioritize your well-being; it is crucial for both your happiness and that of your children. Engage in conversations and connect with a community of single mothers who are committed to personal growth. My mission is to ensure every single parent has access to specialists in finance, law, mental health, and wellness. Follow @singlemombydesign on Instagram for resources and support. A website is coming soon!

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