Aerial Delivery Complaints: We Want to Hear from You!
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Chapter 1 Understanding Your Delivery Issues
We sincerely apologize if you have experienced dissatisfaction with our Drone Delivery Service (DDS). To assist us in enhancing our service, please respond to the following inquiries.
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Section 1.1 Did Your Delivery Fail to Meet Expectations?
- Did your drone delivery:
- arrive late?
- not arrive at all?
- arrive with damage?
- land on your head unexpectedly?
If you selected a) arrive late?, this may typically be attributed to:
- Inclement weather conditions.
- Strong headwinds.
- High air traffic.
- Low battery levels.
- Human error (often identified as Kyle from our Dispatch Department).
If b) not arrive at all? was your response, common causes include:
- Severe weather conditions.
- Technical malfunctions.
- GPS inaccuracies.
- Wrong address input.
- Thick tree cover.
- Bird strikes.
- Sky pirates.
- Overly cautious individuals with firearms.
- Code hackers redirecting deliveries.
- Sabotage by the enigmatic "Mailman Militia."
- A notorious thief known as The Human Cannonball.
- Human error (likely Kyle once more).
If you answered c) arrive damaged?, this can usually be due to:
- Severe weather.
- Turbulent conditions.
- Collisions with trees.
- Contact with church spires.
- Strikes against chimney stacks.
- Hits from electricity pylons.
- Encounters with unusually tall individuals.
- Technophobes wielding baseball bats.
- Raccoon attacks trained by The Mailman Militia.
- Human error (Kyle is consistent in this regard).
If you selected d) fall on your head unexpectedly?, this may be due to:
- Severe weather.
- Faulty release mechanisms.
- Mischievous hackers.
- Human error (likely not Kyle's fault, although he once participated in a manned flight delivery and accidentally dropped a toaster oven on an elderly woman, resulting in a three-week hospitalization).
Section 1.2 How Can We Make It Right?
- To rectify this situation, would you prefer that we:
- send you a replacement order?
- issue a refund for your order?
- disclose The Human Cannonball's real name and address?
- provide you with an application to join The Anti Mailman Militia Strike Force?
- terminate Kyle's employment?
We appreciate your feedback and for choosing Drone Delivery Service (DDS) — Delivering Here, There, and often Nowhere, by Air. We are not affiliated with Amazon...yet.
Brand art by David Todd McCarty
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