Chapter 1: Understanding Ethical Boundaries

In a relationship, personal values should remain steadfast and not be subject to compromise.

"I’m not entirely comfortable with this," I admitted, feeling a chill of anxiety because I didn’t want to let him down.

"Come on," he urged. "We’ll both profit immensely. It’s not illegal; I just prefer that they don’t know you're my girlfriend."

Reluctant to refuse, I attempted to negotiate. "While lying isn't against the law, I don’t feel right taking this job if it involves deception."

He sighed in irritation. "I’m not asking you to lie; just keep our relationship under wraps, that's all. You can walk in there without announcing we’re dating, right?"

Frustrated, I mumbled about the ethics of omission, but he seemed unconvinced. Ultimately, I fell back into my usual pattern—following his lead, albeit reluctantly.

I was hired immediately and managed to reference my boyfriend only in a professional context, as my recruiter. However, after two weeks, I made an error. During lunch, my manager inquired about my weekend, and without hesitation, I shared that R. and I had visited his parents and enjoyed a lovely hike.

It was only when I noticed my manager’s puzzled expression that I recognized my blunder. For a fleeting moment, I considered claiming my boyfriend and the recruiter had the same name, but I opted for honesty instead.

Trying to appear casual, I said, "Oh, didn’t you know we were dating?" My heart raced so loudly that I thought it might echo through the office. I had to put my fork down to hide the tremors in my hands.

The manager didn’t make a fuss, but he did suggest that my boyfriend should be clearer about sending his girlfriend for the job. They were pleased with my work, keeping me on for the project's duration.

Though there were no severe consequences, my boyfriend was furious when I confessed I was relieved to be truthful. He accused me of intentionally messing up and of always wanting to be the "good girl."

"You’re far too honest; you need to learn to keep secrets," he would often say. This starkly contrasted our views—while he believed in bending the truth to get his way, I did not. Instead of standing firm, I compromised my values, not realizing that ethical principles leave no room for middle ground.

Chapter 2: The Impact of Compromising Ethics

The first video features Tristan Harris discussing ethical dilemmas in technology and relationships, emphasizing the importance of aligning personal values with actions.

I was quite young when I began dating my ex, who was ten years my senior and the CEO of my workplace. From the start, our relationship was unhealthy.

When an older man begins a relationship with a much younger employee, it raises ethical red flags. However, being inexperienced, I admired him.

He often told me I was too honest, naive, and overly kind to succeed in life, and I started to believe his words. I mimicked him, absorbing his worldview and, in doing so, learned a vital lesson—he showed me who I was not.

Seventeen years were wasted in that relationship. One crucial lesson I learned is that compromise is essential in a healthy relationship, but not when it comes to ethics.

Are you undecided about your holiday destination? Find a middle ground.

Debating where to dine? Compromise can work.

But if your core values are at odds? It’s best to walk away.

Ethics are non-negotiable in a healthy partnership.

My ex insisted I needed to push my boundaries. He was a subtle manipulator. "If you’re wise, you’ll follow my lead. I’m advising you for your benefit." And so, I complied, though I felt uneasy.

It’s not that I struggled to step outside my comfort zone; it felt fundamentally wrong to act against my principles.

"A well-developed values system acts like a compass, guiding you when you feel lost."

My internal compass pointed north, yet I continued heading south, influenced by someone else’s direction, which eroded my self-worth.

Values aren’t taught; they’re inherent. Often, we only recognize our core values when our boundaries are crossed, prompting a strong sense that something is amiss. When you feel, "this isn’t right," you’ve identified a fundamental value.

I didn’t want to misrepresent my relationship status; it felt inherently wrong. My ex tried to debate the logic behind his request, presenting arguments that didn’t sway me—my only counter was, "it feels wrong."

At the time, I viewed this discomfort as a flaw, an inability to articulate my values. Now, I recognize it as strength. You don’t need to justify your principles with a thesis; they exist independently.

Today, if I find myself in a situation that feels wrong, I don’t force myself to accept it. Instead, I remove myself from the scenario. If you want to run a scam, that’s your choice; I won’t report you, but I won’t participate either.

No relationship is flawless; misunderstandings and conflicts are inevitable. Partners can hurt one another, whether intentionally or not. There will be moments when you might have to concede and follow your partner’s wishes.

Every relationship offers opportunities for growth, but heed my advice—never compromise your ethics in the name of love.

If you're interested in learning about red flags and relationship pitfalls, check out my other stories detailing my toxic relationship experiences. You can find a collection right here.

The second video explores the A.I. dilemma, discussing how ethical considerations are often overlooked in technology and personal interactions.