Chapter 1: The Inner Conflict of a Writer

Words often feel trapped within my mind, struggling to find their way out.

They start off sounding perfect in my thoughts but falter as my fingers touch the keys. My heart and mind seem misaligned, often caught in a battle of perfectionism that holds me back.

Perfectionism constantly whispers doubts such as:

• "Check the definition of this word."
• "Will the audience grasp this concept?"
• "This is relatable, but where is the article headed?"
• "Do your arguments flow logically? Should they be better organized?"

Before I can compose more than a few paragraphs, the perfectionist mentality snags my thoughts and stifles my progress. On tougher days, anxiety joins in the fray.

• "Why would anyone find this interesting?"
• "You’re uniquely odd. While your individuality is commendable, does this story resonate?"
• "Your writing style differs greatly from your spoken words, making you seem insincere."
• "Keep going, but are you really achieving your writing goals? You’re not putting in enough effort."

Then comes Resignation, occasionally chiming in:

• "Perhaps it's best to leave that idea simmering in the drafts. It's not strong enough yet; wait until you can enhance it."
• "A solid conclusion is essential for your narrative. Everything needs to align. Look at the great authors you admire. If you were even a fraction like them, you’d excel. But you’re not, so let it go."
• "Why put in the effort? You’ll never be good enough."
• "You’re exhausted. Just rest. The work is overwhelming for little reward."

I often find myself longing for the company of Faith and Optimism, who always encourage me. They remind me to trust the process, to embrace failure, and to focus on the journey rather than the end goal. They remind me of the progress I've made.

Life is a mix of sweetness and bitterness. It’s not necessary to banish Anxiety, Perfectionism, or Resignation from my mind; they've become a part of me. The key is to allow them just a small degree of influence. A slight nudge can motivate me to improve, but too much can be destructive.

I cherish the act of creation, relishing the sensation of translating thoughts onto paper and alleviating stress through writing. This gift flourishes the more I embrace it, so why would I ever consider giving up?

The mind can be a battlefield, especially when writing requires deep introspection. Fortunately, this conflict is solely mental, devoid of physical pain. This makes it more of a high-stakes game that I want to win rather than a stressful life-or-death scenario.

As a perfectionist grappling with flaws, I constantly contend with unwelcome thoughts. It’s challenging to push aside these internal distractions, but I will find a way to navigate through them.

The first video, "Confessions of a flawed designer - Pablo Stanley (Config 2021)," explores the imperfections inherent in the creative process, resonating with my struggles as a writer.

Chapter 2: Embracing Imperfection

As I wrestle with my writing, I remind myself that imperfection is a part of the journey.

In Roxane Gay's "Confessions of a bad feminist | TED," she delves into the complexities of identity and the acceptance of flaws, reinforcing the notion that we are all works in progress.

The journey is about embracing the imperfections and finding joy in the act of creation, rather than being paralyzed by self-doubt.