Chapter 1: A Surprising Meeting

The existence of intelligent life beyond Earth is confirmed, but it seems they have no intention of making contact.

Image credit: U.S. Air Force A classified dialogue unfolds between a human representative, A078M778L2980, and an extraterrestrial being that identifies itself as #%^. The alien's mode of communication is entirely through rapid shifts in shapes and colors, leaving only the human's side of the conversation documented.

“Greetings! It’s a privilege to meet you, though I must admit, I didn’t anticipate this moment. What are the odds of two advanced civilizations intersecting within a 100 light-year span? Fermi had a hard time grasping the probabilities.

Forgive my rambling. I’m genuinely delighted to converse with you. I’m sure many will be fascinated. At least, those who aren’t panicking, running away, or attempting to harm you out of fear. And then there are those who would like to dissect you to explore potential bio-weapon applications.

Oh dear, and of course, those who might want to attack you due to your mere existence contradicting their beliefs in magical beings. Are there many such individuals? Well, yes, that seems to be the majority.

I can assure you it’s not my doing. Humanity has been this way long before I arrived! Honestly, I wouldn’t engage in such acts as a jest. It’s simply part of our evolution. Yet, those who cling to magical beliefs often misunderstand evolution. They imagine humans were constructed like some sort of fleshy Lego set.

Lego? It’s a toy that children use to create things—when they’re not absorbed in social media, of course.

Speaking of social media, that’s an interesting topic! It’s akin to gazing into a flickering fire: plenty of movement but lacking any substantial content. For specifics? Facebook serves as a hub where everyday folks repeat information they’ve heard from teleprompter readers, creating a sense of community through repetition.

Platforms like InstaSnap and Whatstweet cater to those who find Facebook too intellectually demanding.

Indeed. The Internet could be a powerful tool for education and enlightenment, aiding people in making informed choices. Instead, we tend to gravitate towards amusing cat videos, far-right conspiracy theories, and, well, more cat videos.

Why? Because that’s what captivates most people’s interest.

Another intriguing question! I’m thrilled to discuss this with you, even if your frequent use of yellow and purple is occasionally challenging for me. Yes, we do have organizations aimed at distributing information, albeit often devoid of context, leading to widespread confusion and fear, rendering coherent thought nearly impossible.

Why? Because that’s what many people crave.

Oh, I think that’s a tad harsh. We also face an opioid crisis, entirely concocted by physicians bored with prescribing antibiotics, allowing bacteria to evolve resistance. Doctors? Yes, let me clarify. They are individuals who wait until we’re ill to provide medication. Mostly ineffective, but it boosts their sense of importance and leads the public to view them as near-magical figures—like their beloved magic pixie.

Why don’t individuals utilize the Internet to seek genuine information, read scientific papers, and analyze data independently instead of being swayed by misleading headlines? Why don’t they pursue deeper education? I hope this doesn’t offend you, #%^, but it’s evident that no one has the luxury of time for such trivialities. People are far too engrossed in their favorite streaming shows. Yes, there are countless options. Once you invest time in a few must-watch series and their predictable character arcs, you’ll understand why other pursuits fall by the wayside!

Another excellent inquiry. I must say, this conversation is quite enjoyable, and I eagerly await the chance to pose you some equally probing questions. We have various forms of governance, all under the umbrella of democracy. In some cases, the leader eliminates anyone who poses a challenge, fabricates vote counts, and imprisons those who doubt the results. In others, the uninformed populace votes for the most entertainingly incompetent candidate, who then proceeds to cause even greater chaos than their predecessor.

Precisely! You're beginning to grasp the concept. It’s reminiscent of reality TV. Kudos to you for enduring one of those shows while you were in orbit. No wonder the yellow-and-purple theme is so prevalent on your surface.

Ah, now that’s a complex issue. It largely depends on your location. In impoverished nations, people consume whatever is available: often dried insects, or staple grains like corn, wheat, barley, or rice. In affluent countries, one can indulge in a variety of unhealthy processed foods instead.

Excellent deduction! That’s why obesity and illness are rampant in wealthy societies! You’re starting to comprehend our nature quite well.

My, you are quite the curious being! Yes, apart from individual harm, we do have systems for resolving disputes. We have laws designed to protect the wealthy and powerful, allowing lawyers to profit immensely by offering advice that seldom aids those with less means. Then there are the police, tasked with safeguarding the interests of the rich and influential.

No, this system is entirely fair. We know it’s fair because the affluent tell us so. Really, #%^, your apparent naivety on this subject is surprising.

Not many, really. Perhaps around two thousand billionaires in a currency known as the United States Dollar, along with a few tens of thousands of multi-millionaires.

Well, yes. To someone unfamiliar with our customs, it might seem peculiar that every system we have favors a minuscule fraction of humanity at the expense of the vast majority. But this is simply how our notion of fairness operates. Moreover, many believe this is how their magic pixie wishes things to be.

Hmm. This could be a bit challenging. You see, there’s more than one magic pixie. In fact, there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands. Yet each individual believes their magic pixie is the only true one. Go on, laugh if you must, but I’m attempting to clarify humanity for you. I trust I won’t be the one laughing when you attempt to explain your species to me!

Ordinary people often believe their magic pixie created everything, has a grand design, and wields immense power. It’s somewhat akin to how young children have imaginary invisible friends.

No, quite the opposite. The overwhelming evidence against such beliefs only reinforces their conviction in the existence of their magic pixie. I can’t quite explain why; that’s just who we are, and we take pride in it.

Indeed, people do become quite agitated over differing beliefs regarding various magic pixies. Sometimes, yes. But only a few hundred thousand or a million casualties at a time. And we haven’t burned witches in ages—at least, not in affluent nations. Now, we tend to eliminate one another for entirely different reasons. That’s a clear indication of our progress!

Well, #%^, I believe it’s my turn to inquire now. First, I’d like to know…

… wait, where are you going? I thought we were going to exchange knowledge. I believed we were forming an inter-species rapport!

Don’t retreat to your ship! Don’t close the door! Don’t leave!

At least take me along!

Oh. Darn.

Chapter 2: The Role of Media and Belief Systems

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