Chapter 1: The Clash of Science and Belief

What occurs when scientific findings contradict your beliefs? Among my friends, there's a long-standing joke that we will all end up with charming millionaires, live effortlessly, and our biggest dilemma will be deciding between sitting next to Einaudi or Lin Manuel Miranda at a social gathering. Naturally, that’s not what we genuinely desire. Or is it?

I’m one of those infuriating individuals who will actually delve into that question. At length. With detailed discussions on sex selection and human behavior. And plenty of colorful stories. My impartiality on this subject is about as neutral as Steve Bannon discussing the Clinton Foundation, so if you’re not keen on rhetoric, feel free to look away now. You’ve been warned.

So, can I identify as a feminist while acknowledging that evidence suggests many women might prefer a wealthy, attractive partner?

Chapter 2: The Birth of a Genre

Let me kick off this essay with a captivating anecdote. Nearly a century ago, two British publishers stumbled upon a brilliant idea. Recognizing that women had sexual desires just like men—who were purchasing paperback erotic literature in large quantities—they realized that women couldn’t openly buy such books, as that would be far too improper for a respectable Edwardian lady. Thus, they decided to package female fantasies as romance novels, leading to the creation of the Mills and Boon archetype.

For those unfamiliar with poorly written erotica, here’s a brief overview of the typical plot:

PASSION AND GENERICS: THE EMPTY GOLDDIGGER AND THE WALKING WALLET

• Act 1: A beautiful, reserved young woman works as a secretary/shop assistant/nurse. Her boss is infatuated with her, but she’s uninterested. Enter the dashing millionaire, who is instantly smitten by her, despite her lack of personality.
• Act 2: They engage in awkward flirting. At some point, he probably takes off his shirt to help her rescue an injured bunny. A bizarre scene unfolds where she visits his mansion, creating a sense of financial allure. Though she falls for him, a wealthy rival lurks in the background.
• Act 3: A conflict arises: either her creepy boss makes a move, or the conniving rich woman paints her as a gold digger at a gala. Just in time, the handsome millionaire rescues her! Cue swooning.
• Act 4: He marries her, and they live lavishly. She no longer has to work, as he’s got money to burn.

While it may not be Shakespeare, this genre generates millions each year. Despite my disdain for it, it's incredibly popular among women. It serves as a form of escapism, a way to escape the mundane reality of being an ordinary junior consultant in Clapham, offering a way out of life's troubles. But do women truly aspire to marry into wealth and raise children? Is that really the core desire of our gender?

Let’s examine some hard facts to back up my pricey BSc. Women and men (for the sake of clarity, let’s set aside gender identity and homosexuality for this discussion) tend to select reproductive partners differently. While there is variation, let's focus on the predominant trends.

What Women Seek

1. Raising children is incredibly costly in terms of both resources and time. Therefore, having a partner who will support and protect your offspring is a significant evolutionary advantage, even if it means facing the possibility of having a daughter who resembles Mr. Bean. One could opt to marry a wealthy man who isn’t conventionally attractive while having an affair with a charming waiter to optimize both resources and genetics, but societal norms often oppose this approach (many cultures insist that women remain virgins until marriage).
2. Since women endure the burdens of pregnancy, child-rearing, and breastfeeding—and given that it takes nine months to produce one child while men can father numerous children in the same timeframe—they are quite selective about their sexual partners. Each child must have a reasonable chance of thriving for her to invest time and energy.

What Men Desire

1. Men typically exhibit less selectivity when choosing sexual partners, which makes sense. They don’t experience pregnancy and can easily escape the responsibilities of fatherhood if they wish. That said, men still have preferences; they tend to prioritize physical attractiveness over resources.
2. Consequently, men usually gravitate toward younger women who are statistically more fertile, display an appealing waist-to-hip ratio, and exhibit qualities associated with motherhood, such as nurturing abilities and strong communication skills.

Of course, there are significant exceptions to these patterns—cultural preferences, sexual orientation, and personal experiences can all influence attraction. The complexities of sexuality could fill a library. Nonetheless, the overarching takeaway remains: reproductive biology significantly impacts how we select partners—men prioritize resources while women emphasize genetic desirability.

So, is it ingrained in us to seek out wealthy partners and relinquish our careers to raise their children? I would argue no, despite substantial scientific evidence and market success suggesting otherwise. The allure depicted in these novels isn't solely about marrying a rich man. Hear me out.

The desire to marry a wealthy man is not primarily about raising children. In fact, this aspect receives little emphasis in these narratives. It centers on the fantasy of being desirable, attractive, and wanted. It embodies the dream of acquiring power, respect, freedom, and wealth. For many women—whether young or older—stuck in a 9-to-5 job with no prospects of becoming a billionaire or a top lawyer, living vicariously through men who can achieve these dreams becomes intoxicating.

Thus, when women joke about or fantasize regarding marrying a wealthy partner, they’re not expressing a longing for domesticity. Instead, they are envisioning an escape from the burdens of debt, rent, skin issues, early morning shifts, and the yearning for luxurious spa days.

And what’s inherently wrong with that?