Empowerment After Escape: My Journey Beyond Domestic Violence
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Chapter 1: The Journey Begins
More than seven years ago, prior to my conversion to Islam, I made the bold decision to leave a domestic violent relationship with my children. This choice marked the beginning of a profound transformation in my life.
With my self-esteem shattered and my health deteriorating, I realized I needed to adopt a new mindset to embark on my healing journey. Thanks to divine guidance, I found the strength to move beyond my trauma rather than allowing it to define me.
In the aftermath of leaving, it became essential for me to continually remind myself of the crucial promises I made to protect my well-being. Here are the top four commitments that became my guiding principles:
Section 1.1: Establishing Boundaries
- Prioritize safety by establishing firm boundaries.
The foremost priority is to ensure the safety of both myself and my children. After taking the courageous step to leave, I recognized that creating boundaries was vital to maintain that safety. These boundaries encompass physical, mental, and emotional aspects, and they are crucial for starting anew.
One of the initial changes I made was to rename my abuser in my phone contacts to “Perpetrator.” This served as a constant reminder to think twice before engaging with him. If our conversations did not revolve around the children, there was no reason for me to respond. I had resolved that our past relationship was over.
I often reassured myself with the thought, "If he couldn’t be trustworthy in our relationship, why would he be honest outside of it?" This mindset helped me resist his manipulative tactics and the guilt he attempted to impose on me for leaving.
Section 1.2: Recognizing My Own Value
- I am not responsible for his happiness or survival.
Many victims are led to believe they must save their abuser, who often manipulates them into thinking they cannot live without their support. This is a form of emotional abuse.
I came to understand that it was not my duty to save him; my priority was to ensure the safety and well-being of myself and my children. I repeated to myself, "I am not his source of strength." If he could present himself as a capable individual to others, he could certainly manage without me.
Chapter 2: Choosing Self-Care
- Prioritize my own well-being above all else.
This principle extends beyond interactions with the abuser. If anyone—friends, family, colleagues—triggered negative feelings through their behavior, I learned that I had the right to walk away. Tolerating disrespect is not an obligation, especially when you have not instigated any conflict.
Once someone reveals themselves as toxic or harmful, it's time to distance yourself. While it may not be possible to cut off certain family members completely, limiting interactions is a viable option. I had to remind myself that I deserve to be in a positive environment.
- Maintain confidence in my identity.
My supportive husband has often pointed out that my kindness can lead to self-doubt. I realized that being overly accommodating made me question whether I deserved the treatment I received.
Having endured over a decade of abuse, I have learned to trust myself and my decisions. This journey involves unlearning toxic influences not just from my abuser but from others as well.
Personal growth is unique to each individual. We must stand firm in our truth, regardless of others' perceptions. By asserting that I am no longer vulnerable but rather valuable, I can remind myself of my worth.
You are a precious gem, deserving to shine brightly in the world.
Peace and blessings.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call emergency services. It’s crucial to seek help from those who genuinely care for your safety and well-being.
National Domestic Violence and Sexual Violence Counselling Service: 1800 737 732
In Queensland, contact DV Connect at: 1800 811 811
I have personally utilized these services, and they were invaluable to my journey. Perhaps I will share that experience with you another time.
If you found this article helpful, you might be interested in how I celebrate my “fleeing anniversary.”