Section 1.1: The Morning Routine

To start, mornings have never been my favorite time of day. While I typically struggle with early hours, my husband thrives in the morning light, bringing humor and joy to the start of the day. Today was no exception. I found myself in a rush, feeling overwhelmed as I tried to get my daughter and myself ready to leave. I called him from upstairs, instead of shouting, to ask for his help in speeding things up. When he didn’t respond, frustration took hold, and I hurried downstairs to tackle the task myself. In my irritation, I mentioned that he never seems to answer his phone.

Trigger Event:

He responded playfully, saying, “Aww, mommy doesn’t love daddy.”

Flashback:

In that moment, all I could hear were the echoes of my childhood, memories of my mother saying, “Your daddy doesn’t love us; he doesn’t love your mommy anymore. He left us.” I could almost feel my father’s words ringing in my ears, “Your mommy doesn’t love me anymore.” Those early feelings of confusion, hopelessness, and sadness surged back to me, making me feel as if I were a child again. Vivid images of my parents and the surroundings we inhabited flooded my mind with unsettling clarity.

As these flashbacks consumed me, I rushed out the door, desperate for the memories to fade.

Section 1.2: The Emotional Fallout

Once I got into the car, a wave of emotion hit me, and I began to cry in anger. I was frustrated with my husband for making jokes like that in front of our daughter. Although it had been humorous before, today, it struck a nerve. My mounting stress and various other pressures undoubtedly contributed to my heightened sensitivity.

In my anger, I hastily texted him, my words a jumbled mess. I expressed that he should never joke like that in front of our child because kids absorb everything. The protector within me awakened, not wanting her to endure the same pain I did.

In hindsight, I should have paused before sending that message—taken a moment to breathe and assess my feelings. My anger wasn’t truly directed at him, but he bore the brunt of it.

When these episodes arise, their timing and intensity are unpredictable. However, we can work on our responses. Learning to handle triggers and the aftermath is a journey in itself.

This morning was tough. I wasn’t ready, and I didn’t manage my reactions well. I regret that my words hurt my husband. To him, I sincerely apologize; how could you have known?

Community Support:

For anyone grappling with PTSD, childhood trauma, or any mental health issue, remember that you are not alone. We all experience challenging days, but we are in this together.

We continue to grow and learn through our experiences.

Yours, Ash