Understanding Rejection

Facing rejection is universally challenging. I often find solace in Stuart Smalley's familiar affirmations:

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

Yet, even these words sometimes fail to alleviate the disappointment of being turned down for opportunities I genuinely wanted.

Whether it's a lackluster response to your outreach emails, a romantic interest declining your request for their number, or not landing that dream job after what felt like a stellar interview, rejection can strike deep.

It often leaves us grappling with feelings of injustice—wondering if our talents were overlooked or if we were simply unworthy in the eyes of those judging us.

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." — Charles R. Swindoll

In the movie Instant Family, a pivotal scene features Octavia Spencer's character guiding future foster parents through an exercise. Each participant holds a string linking them to another person in the class, symbolizing a "displaced child." As Spencer speaks, Tig Notaro’s character cuts the strings, illustrating how children in foster care often preemptively brace for rejection, sabotaging their chances before they even have a chance to succeed.

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." — Brené Brown, Rising Strong

This behavior isn't limited to children; adults often mirror this pattern, anticipating rejection and undermining potential opportunities before they unfold.

So, how can we shift our perspective on rejection and the opportunities that lie ahead? Here are five strategies to help you cope when faced with closed doors:

1. Don't Take It Personally

   This might sound simplistic, but it's crucial. Most evaluators—whether for a job or another opportunity—are unfamiliar with you. Therefore, their decisions can't be personal; they lack the context of who you are.

While it’s tempting to think, "If only they knew me…", the reality is they don't. They see just a resume, an interview, or a fleeting interaction. This is their oversight, not a reflection of your worth.

"Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don't belong." — Brené Brown

You owe nothing to those who failed to recognize your value. Even if they do know you yet still choose to pass, their decision is based on their needs, not a commentary on your character.

2. Reconnect with Your Identity

   Lysa TerKeurst, in her book Uninvited, discusses how rejection can shake our sense of self and worth. When we equate our identity with what we've lost, it can feel devastating.

Remember, you are more than your job, relationship status, or any singular role.

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." — Jimmy Dean

When rejection hits hard, remind yourself of your strengths, past successes, and supportive people in your life. Don’t allow rejection to define you; instead, ground yourself in your true identity.

3. Keep Trying

   Don't count your eggs before they've hatched. The world isn't conspiring against you, and not every situation has to end in disaster.

"I don't regret anything I've ever done in life... But I'm consumed with regret for the things I didn't do." — Trevor Noah

When we allow ourselves to believe that every rejection signifies failure, we can trap ourselves in a cycle of negativity. However, persistence can lead to success.

4. Don’t Let Rejection Heighten Your Fear

   TerKeurst reminds us that "One rejection is not a projection of future failures."

Just because one person says no doesn’t mean others will, nor does it signify a pattern of continuous rejection.

"If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again."

An effective technique is to maintain a success log, documenting past achievements. This practice can help counter feelings of inadequacy and remind you of your capabilities.

5. Embrace Vulnerability and Wholeheartedness

   Ultimately, there are elements of life we cannot control. Acceptance of this reality allows us to find meaning in rejection and lead more fulfilling lives.

"The body is a slave to its impulses. But the thing that makes us human is what we can control." — Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

Remember, your worth is not defined by others' choices. Dr. Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of staying true to yourself amidst external judgments.

Leaning into vulnerability may hurt, but it can also foster growth and resilience, preparing you for future challenges.

Bonus Tip: Rejections as Redirections

Consider viewing rejections as opportunities for redirection. The job or opportunity you missed might not have been right for you.

Rejections don’t define you; instead, you define what they mean in your life. You are more than the "no's" you encounter. Embrace the journey, keep striving, and you may discover the "yes's" just around the corner.

Best of luck!

In this video, "What is Failure/Rejection and 5 Easy Ways to Deal with It," viewers will learn practical methods for coping with rejection and understanding its impact.

In "5 Ways to Overcome Rejection | Jack Canfield," Jack shares insightful strategies to help individuals bounce back from rejection and build resilience.