28th January — Day 0: The Struggle Begins

After indulging in two hours of porn, I felt the weight of my addiction. This behavior is detrimental, and I realize that if I continue, it will lead to lifelong regret. While my energy levels haven't plummeted as they did in the past—likely due to a prior five-day abstinence—I'm conscious of the mental battle ahead.

I've deleted dating apps from my phone, recognizing them as triggers for my urges. I'm eager to see how my thoughts and behaviors evolve throughout this experiment, and I hope documenting it will encourage my discipline.

29th January — Day 1: Finding My Footing

Today, I feel content and have accomplished my tasks. However, I lack a significant boost of motivation. I'm simply maintaining the healthy habits I've established. A trip to the gym is on my agenda.

30th January — Day 2: A Routine Day

My day was quite normal. I managed to stay productive, although I felt a bit weak during my workout. So far, I haven't experienced any strong urges to view porn, but I'm aware that they may arise soon.

31st January — Day 3: Facing Boredom

Today was productive; I achieved personal bests at the gym. Yet, I notice my mind playing tricks on me, trying to rationalize watching porn due to boredom. I’ve been working hard, and my brain attempts to convince me that indulging is harmless.

But I refuse to fall for these deceptive thoughts. My brain is merely seeking a dopamine rush, equating porn with sex, and trying to persuade me to engage in behavior that I know will not serve me well.

2nd February — Day 5: Shifting Perspectives

I apologize for missing yesterday’s entry; I was busy with work and attending a language exchange event. Day 5 marks a pivotal moment. I've observed a tangible shift in my motivation and decision-making.

For instance, when I checked the train schedule and realized I had only 12 minutes to catch a train, I chose to go, rather than staying home. Reflecting on past experiences, I recognize that many positive decisions stem from periods without porn.

3rd February — Day 6: Embracing Life

I feel more alive than ever—my eyes are relaxed, and my smile feels effortless. I ponder why I resist this state of success. Is it fear of change? Yet, I know I must resist the urge to self-sabotage by returning to porn.

4th February — Day 7: A New Clarity

Today, my breathing is deeper, and I feel a greater connection to life. Simple pleasures, like feeling the wind or the smoothness of a train, bring me joy. Creativity flows through me as I come up with new story ideas, such as “The Young Man and the Zen Master.”

Why does my imagination flourish during this porn-free phase? It feels as if a force is guiding me, but I wonder if it’s merely a placebo effect. Regardless, I consistently feel vibrant energy coursing through me when I abstain.

The struggle against self-sabotage remains, as the voice in my head whispers that I've earned the right to indulge again. But I'm determined to continue this journey. Day 8 is just around the corner; I'll report back soon.

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