Chapter 1: Understanding Dysfunctional Upbringing

Experiencing genuine, unconditional love was not a part of my childhood. Instead, I was exposed to love that was conditional—rooted in obligation or neediness and often tied to expectations of something in return. Love felt more like a distant fantasy than a reality.

My background is steeped in a cycle of generational poverty—not just financial, but also a poverty of mindset and emotional well-being. I vividly recall asking my mother at the age of five about a man in our home I didn’t recognize; it was my father, a good provider who worked nights in a coal mine and attended college during the day. My parents had married young, and this stunted their emotional growth and ability to express love, leading to bitterness about their situation.

Isn’t this a familiar narrative?

Despite their good intentions, my parents’ struggles left a significant impact on my sensitive heart. It became clear that I could have greatly benefited from better guidance on love, emotional management, and even financial literacy.

As I grew older, the concept of love captivated me. I searched for it in all the wrong places, clinging to the idea that there must be someone out there whose sole purpose was to shower me with affection.

A pivotal moment came when I looked in the mirror and realized I was harboring negative thoughts about myself. A revelation struck: I needed to extend love to myself, even in my thoughts.

This realization was deflating to my fairytale ideals. That day marked a turning point. I understood that I had the option to treat myself with kindness and love or to continue allowing my past to inflict pain upon me.

It took two decades to unravel the emotional turmoil within me, gradually transforming my inner dialogue into one filled with compassion and love. I came to understand that part of self-love involves recognizing and addressing my own needs—something I hadn’t even known how to identify at the time.

I had been conditioned to endure life instead of enjoying it, so I embarked on a journey to reparent myself into the strong woman I am today.

One crucial lesson that supported me was the importance of accepting myself in every moment, whether I felt happy, sad, or angry. I learned to offer myself the same tenderness I would extend to a friend.

This process was long and transformative.

Why share this journey? Because if you’re navigating your own path of mental health and emotional intelligence, know that you are not alone.

With tremendous effort and resilience, I have shed much of the pain, anger, and frustration that once characterized my interactions with others. You too can experience a transformation, but it requires support.

I utilized various methods—massage, acupuncture, energy healing, sound therapy, counseling, mentoring, dance, meditation, and regular physical activity. As a result, I now embrace feelings of tolerance, kindness, and unconditional love for myself.

Even better, I can extend that love outward, as it has been generously given to me. Yes, team Tina!

This invisible work is what contributes to healing our world.

May you speak kindly to yourself, even when late for work for the third time this week. Take a moment to reflect and find solutions.

May you learn to provide yourself with the validation you need to set new goals, and then figure out which goal you will pursue first.

Remember, turn to yourself first for the love you seek in the world. It’s our responsibility to shine brightly enough that others can find their way to unconditional love.

Thank you for reading, engaging, and supporting me. Your presence is truly valued!

Chapter 2: Signs of a Dysfunctional Family

In this insightful video, the creator discusses the ten signs indicative of coming from a dysfunctional family background. Understanding these signs can aid in recognizing patterns and initiating healing.

This video dives into the journey of growing up in a dysfunctional family, exploring survival strategies and paths to recovery. It offers valuable insights for those seeking to heal from their past.